God, How I Hate Apple. And Steve Jobs. Even though he’s dead.

Steve Jobs was an idiot. Yes, a very smart idiot. But an idiot none the less. Did I mention that when he first invented the iPhone, he patented the design for a black rectangular phone? Yeah, I think he wanted monopoly over smartphones. We all know that smartphones can’t be circular. Or hexagonal. 0r triangular. Well, at least they can’t be if you actually want to be able to HOLD the phone! Yeah, I’m sorry, but we haven’t actually invented the technology for floating smartphones yet. Yeah. Not that it would even be practical. And let’s just say that a square phone would be a bad idea as well.

I have a feeling Steve Jobs had exactly that in mind when he filed the patent. Small steps towards world domination, people. Small steps.
(And if you’re wondering why I say things like that, remember, I’m a conspiracy theorist. Just like… keep that in mind.)

Jobs was also a jerk. And an idiot. Did I mention that he was an idiot? Let’s see… Every once in a while he got mad and threw pens at employees who ticked him off, sometimes fired them, called people idiots in public, uninvited some guy from a top 100 employee meeting WHILE THEY WERE ON THE BUS FOR THE MEETING because he got mad at him during a meeting, and oh, pretended that he wasn’t sick for a while. Until he died.

(The way I see it, Steve was just like, “I have cancer? Nooo… Don’t tell anyone anything. I am not sick. NO, shut up, I AM NOT SICK! Yeah, I’ll just see an acupuncturist for a while… and drink herbal tea… and refuse to do the surgery that will save my life! Meanwhile, I am NOT SICK!!” Yeah. Just… yeah.)

So yeah. He was so idiotic that he basically killed himself. Not that I care or anything… I mean, good riddance to bad rubbish. The only problem is, he left Apple behind. Crap.
You know, Steve Jobs was really good at brainwashing people. And he’s dead now. But the people down at Apple are still pretty good at brainwashing people. Not as good as before, yes. But good enough.
So now I have to deal with the company’s lingering influence. I mean, sorry Apple, but your glory days are over. But why does NO ONE agree with me!
(Just checking.)

Do you know how many people committed suicide while making iPhones? Yeah, the Chinese suppliers aren’t too fond of Apple. Neither are the other suppliers. Because, the truth is, working with Apple is basically an invitation to go bankrupk the day they pick another company. Or even just when their sales go down. (The iPhones aren’t as popular as they used to be, eh? Haha. And let’s see, they wrecked the MacBook Pro by removing the CD drive, created an ultra-thin laptop that no sane person will buy, and then released a $1400 tablet that they ruined by making the stylus unaffordable. The Apple Pencil costs $130? Hmm… what’s my advice? Guys, DON’T FREAKING BUY IT!) Then they will force you tu shut down a full factory to prevent loss of trade secrets. A nightmare! And for once, that’s a fact, not just my biased opinion.

Did I mention that Apple once orchestrated an ebook price raise? Did they forget to tell you that it’s illegal? These people are seriously trying to control the economy. They’ve managed to pollute it. A lot. And don’t get me started on the OS. iOS is inferior to Android in so many ways…

For you beloved Apple fans (well, I do think you’re stupid) I’ll stop writing this article. You’ll never understand its brilliancy. You’re probably contesting it line by line… Well, anyways have fun with your inferior devices. Have fun paying for your overpriced crap. (Paying for email storage? Really? How much do you even get in the first place.) And don’t say I didn’t warn you.
-Rebeeks

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2 thoughts on “God, How I Hate Apple. And Steve Jobs. Even though he’s dead.

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