Poem

I thought I’d share one of my poems today.

What Talent?

Inspiration doesn’t come when you call it.
Not even remotely when you need it.
Oh, no. It runs away from you. It stutters. It stalls.
It finds good excuses – oh, sorry, good reasons
To not help you out.
I’m sure it says (or is saying),
“Oh, look, she’s tired, I won’t bother her with good ideas” or
“She has two weeks to finish that; she doesn’t need my help”
Which is really annoying.
Or, maybe you just infuriated the Greek muses.
Really, who knows?

And when your creativity finally shows up—
Oh, when it comes, it’s always at the most inconvenient time
Such as, in the bathroom or
At three in the morning
Or during that really boring science test—
I mean, ideas are great and all but you sort of need to pass that—
And creativity doesn’t always flow like water, but no,
It drips and abruptly stops or
It is a crashing tsunami that quickly washes away,
And then you’re just stuck there thinking,
“Why,
Why do I even do this art thing with my life?”

The problem is, the making of a creation
Is a long and drawn out process that involves
Sitting at your desk and yelling
“Ideas! Come to me!”
(Which may be why the Muses hate you in the first place?)
Or you know, even days when ideas appear while you’re otherwise occupied
But disappear before you grasp them,
And, it involves piles of messy drafts
And mounds of vile work
And days of adjusting details to unattainable perfection.

The worst part?
Your friends might come over and look at
Your painful hours of exertion and tell you
That you “were hit with the talent stick too many times.”
Talent stick? What talent stick?
It’s not like someone invisibly walks around and
Randomly bops people on the head with this huge stick marked “TALENT”
And doles out talent (Because why not?)
And this person is like “You’re going to be this amazing singer” or
“You’re going to be this amazing painter and—
Yeah. No.
Life doesn’t work that way. Sadly.
It takes time and work and so much effort
To do something presentable
And so, when people tell me that I’m talented,
Sometimes, just sometimes,
I look at them like, “What talent?”

Year 2 of this blog!

My blog turned two years old a week ago. I don’t really know how I feel about that. On one hand, it makes me happy to know that I have been able to stick to blogging for that period of time, but on the other hand… I don’t know. More people are reading this now. I didn’t really have an audience before. Not that I have a big audience or anything, but people are aware that this blog exists. That’s sort of a freaky thought that I have about my little corner of the Internet. 

One thing I will say is that the quality of my posts has improved a lot, even though the frequency of them has decreased. I always say I’m going to post more, but then things get in the way… I don’t know what to think, so my only goal for this year is to post better content. 

-Rebeeks

I Think AI is Detrimental to Society

Our world is changing. And I absolutely hate it. I hate the fact that we are moving towards a world where robots will coexist with the human race. I hate the factt that we are developing more and more androids and more and more robots and more and more artificially cognitive machines. That also happens to be why I hate science fiction. SF kind of forces me to think about those things. Most of the time, I avoid thinking about it. But sometimes, just sometimes… Ugh.

Why would you want to have robots that look, act, and speak like humans? Wouldn’t that be creepy? What if someone tried to hit on a robot? What if that same robot responding that person’s advances?  Like, really, imagine going on a first date with a robot. Do you want to do that? Think about it.

-Rebeeks

Rambling About Ideas, Writing, and School

I haven’t written a post since November. I really do suck at this whole blogging thing. But I have been really busy with school work and summatives and exams. This is high school, people. Dying. This semester is starting out pretty strong. Report cards are coming out tomorrow for last semester (AAHH!!!), I have 3 projects at the same time going on in lit, and I am rediscovering my artist side. I’ve never really been a traditional artist, and I sort of suck at drawing, but I’ve always been into the physical things, such as sewing, knitting, jewellery design/ making, and photography. I am discovering the joy of keeping a sketchbook, and I am also discovering just how annoying is it to blend with coloured pencils. It is a pain.

I did read the new Unwanteds Quests book that came out about seven days ago. It wasn’t as disappointing as the last two books in the main series, but it wasn’t nearly as satisfying and it feels like the shortest Unwanteds book yet. I don’t know if it is though, because I read it in ebook format, since a physical copy was just sort of like a hassle to get a hold of. In fact, I’ve discovered a lot of new authors and book series through ebooks. Some of them are kind of shitty, and some of them are straight up garbage, but some of them are actually good and then I just binge read them. One such author was Shannon Hale, who wrote the Books of Bayern series. Do check them out, because they are great and amazing and awesome.

We are starting Sci-Fi in lit and I have no clue where to start. Half of the time I am like AAHHH! and the other half of the time I am like HOW DO YOU DO THIS!!! and all of the time I am like I HAVE NO GOOD IDEAS!!!! HELP!!! because it is true. I don’t know what I was thinking, but somehow when I was auditioning I didn’t think we were going to be writing fantasy or sci-fi or dark shit but our first assignment was to write a horror story. No dark shit indeed. Right.

So as much as I love complaining, I am going to have to pull myself together, because you can’t just be in a writing program and then not write. Not writing will not get you any better at writing so I get just have to sit my butt down nd do the damn work. The other thing is, I really need to work on my deep thinking skills. Also on letting my mind wander, and then capturing those thoughts. I get my best ideas at times when I can’t really record them, like when I’m in the shower or when I’m in the middle of doing a mindless task such as, I don’t know, washing dishes. The ideas flit by and disappear as quickly as they come, and then what I end up remembering, if I remember anything, is a colourless, washed out, unrecognizable version of my previous idea. Bummer. See, we all have problems. Some of us struggle with getting good concepts. Some of us struggle with executing them.

So, most of the time, I end up sitting down during a very uncreative time and brainstorming. My version of brainstorming is writing down everything I can think of until I fill at least 2 pages, handwritten in my messy handwritting. It’s sort of like a really messy free write. I always handwrite it because pens are comforting, but also because working on paper just helps my ideas glide better, I guess. Then I usually go and bounce my generally horrible ideas off of other people, because it really helps to refine or broaden or add on to a concept. You’d be surprised at how many good ideas will come out of a conversation. Just saying.

So, that was my rant of the day. I hope I see you soon in another post!

-Rebeeks

On Me and Writing Poetry

I’m in my poetry mode right now, which is such a rare thing for me that I just try to take advantage of it. I mean, I’m a prose writer, which means I do things such as write in paragraphs, not in stanzas; use punctuation properly, such as putting periods at the ends of sentences (and not ending lines without them). Prose also does not have to be poetic or metaphoric (although it can be those things as well) and is generally not a rhythmic style of writing.

Ha. That means the way we usually speak can be considered prose (or if we want to be fancy, dialogue, although dialogue can be in poetry as well). 

When I’m in poetry mode, I generally attempt to rhyme things and binge write poetry, which I really need to be in the right mindset to write. My poems are generally a constant refrain in my mind during that time. I know I’m really in poetry mode when I tend to rhyme my sentences when I speak French. Actually, that it THE key indicator. French is my first language. It’s also a language that I don’t spend much time writing in (and that I never write poetry in). When things in French become rhythmic and start to rhyme, I probably should be using that brain processing power elsewhere.

I also write poetry in a very different way than I write prose. My poems are never free form. They always have some rhythm to them, and most of them rhyme. I spend a lot of ime reading them to myself, and I edit things, and change words on the go. The next stanza is usually not started until the first one is complete. I mull over my phrases even when I’m not writing them. So when a poem is done, it’s done. It’s not getting edited any further. Well, sometimes I do change minor things. Tweaks, really. But rarely.

When I write prose, like essays or stories, I just write for as long as I can and worry about editing later.
So don’t ask me why I don’t edit my poems. I probably spend more time editing them than I spend editing prose. It’s just, I edit them WHILE THEY’RE BEING WRITTEN. Not at the end. (And as you may know, these posts don’t even get edited.)

So that was my rant of the day.

-Rebeeks 

On Nanowrimo, Typos and Other Things

God help me.

Nanowrimo is very, very, time-consuming. In fact, I should probably be working on my story right now. But I am just so annoyed at it, and I guess I just don’t know where it’s going.

So you know what? I gave up. After four thousand, five hundred,  and thirteen words.
Huh. Good job to me. Actually, never mind that. I suck.

I have discovered that I am utterly incapable of motivating myself to do anything. Which is why I’m typing this blog post instead of stydying for the dumb science test that I have tomorrow. I really am an idiot. Thank God I don’t go to an IB program school. I would just about die. (And people say I’m smart. What are they thinking?)

So yeah. I’m in a writing program and I’m not even capable of writing 670 words everyday to meet a good of 20 000 words. That just doesn’t say much about me as a writer.

Things I Have Written Instead Of The Novel I Was Going To Write:

  1. Bad poetry.
  2. A dumb essay on character development, adversity, and tigers. Don’t ask. (And yes, it was an assignment.)
  3. Emails and text messages that showcase how boring my life is.
  4. An essay about perception.
  5. More bad poems.
  6. This blog post.

    Do any of those include the words “novel”, “dumb novel”, or “stupid novel”?
    No? I thought so.

    On a completely different note, my work has been published on my school’s literary magazine and there are currently two typos in it. I actually can’t stand to look at it. It been bugging me for days. Days!
    And have you ever had the issue where omitting one word completely changes the meaning of a sentence? Yeah? Well, they did that. Do you have any idea how annoying it is? I actually had to restrain myself from yelling at the editors. 
    And of course, their website had other problems as well. It always does! Yay. I am not (let me repeat this, NOT) excited to have to be one of the editors next year, which, like so many other things, is a mandatory experience. Yay! (NOT)

    So now that I’ve ranted about NaNoWriMo and those dumb typos in my work, what’s left?
    Ah, that DUMB SCIENCE TEST that I’m supposed to be studying for.

    I hate biology. And obviously, it’s a biology test. Some people are perfectly content with doing it now to get it over with. I, on the other hand, am not. I would rather never do it.
    Unfortunately, I am not so lucky as to have that option. Screw the science curriculum that makes biology mandatory until grade 10.
    Did I mention that I have when things are mandatory for no reason?
    I need to memorize a whole bunch of terms that will probably not be any use to me in the future all so I can pass this dumb course that I really like except for this unit. I hate this unit. I will never take biology again one I have the choice.

    Screw this test.

    -Rebeeks

    My Relationship with Computers

    I have an interesting relationship with computers. I love them, I hate them, and sometimes they annoy me to death. I had one computer that had some many issues that once one of the issues got fixed, something else would stop working.
    That was hell.
    My current computer is quite annoying as well because it isn’t as slow as some of the older computers but is advertised to run faster than it actually does. This is also where I learned that having more cores on your computer does not necessarily mean that your computer runs faster. Remember that. The salespeople are not necessarily well-equipped to properly help you. Or maybe they’re simply biased. I suspect its a combination of both.

    Earlier this semester, I had one available slot left in my timetable and I opted to take computer science, which is A. an elective, B. an elective offered to people in the grade above me, and C. headache inducing. Do you think I’m crazy? Sometimes I myself think I’m crazy for taking the course. When people hear that I’m taking that course, a common question is, why?

    If I’m going to be completely honest with myself (and you), I first have to admit that it was a split-second decision. I had planned on (maybe) taking this course, but as a grade 10 student. This summer, when I went to summer school, I took math. It was a very intensive course and I did not want to take anything related to math this year. And what did I end up in? Computer Science (or, as they call it, Introduction to Computer Studies), which is basically another version of math. Great. It was either that or take Grade 10 math, which I would do under no circumstances.

    I actually like the course though. It’s a really different approach to teaching. We learn (very, very basic) programming and it’s not the “Follow the instructions and you’ll do well” kind of class. No. It is literally “Here is the problem. Solve it.” I both love and hate this approach. It is totally appropriate for a class where you learn coding. Basically what software does is solve problems for you. But someone wrote that software. In order to have the program solve problems for you, you need to understand the problem yourself. You need to be able to break down the problem into its parts before you build the code. Then, you need to understand the logic and how to do things sequentially.

    The funny thing is, the more you write code, the more you start thinking like a coder. It literally changes the way you do things. I find myself wanting to simply write the word “else” instead of otherwise or something do that effect, because that is how conditional statements are communicated to the computer. Huh. If I wrote an essay like that, my teacher might ask quite a few questions. Namely, “are you sane?”

    I honestly don’t think I am.

    -Rebeeks