It’s the End of the Year…

And I don’t know what to think. I guess I accomplished a lot this year. But didn’t everybody? It’s kind of hard not to accomplish a lot in a year. I don’t really know how proud of myself I should be, as a result. Should I still congratulate myself? Others have done amazing things, such as saving people’s lives, or done notoriously difficult things, like quitting smoking. Or maybe they made it on Broadway, or got cast in their first major role in a film. I don’t care, really. But I do know that my most impressive accomplishment this year was the fact that I passed my Grade 3 piano exam. Never mind the fact that eight-year-olds do it all the time. It’s quite surprising that I even passed it in the first place, given my current level of negligence in practising.
I nearly failed that exam.
I SHOULD HAVE failed that exam.

Oh, well. Moving on, I guess.

As I write this in the late hours of the night (or early hours of the morning??), on December 31st, 2017, I can’t help but wonder if New Year’s resolutions are even helpful. I mean, most people fail at them. So I guess the only way to not fail would be to only have one New Year’s resolution: to fail at your New Year’s resolutions. But then you have a paradox, because in not failing, you have failed to achieve your goal of failure, which was a failure in of itself… I should really write stories about thoughts like this instead of making you read them in my little corner of the internet. Not that anyone reads this thing… Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to be anonymous. It was never my goal. This blog is linked on my social media accounts. People can find it if they wish to. But somehow, I doubt they will.

I know someone else who has a blog. She’s my age. She keeps hers way more anonymous than I do, however, and her blog is much more successful because she has picked a niche and stuck to it. As if I could do that. I suck at even staying on topic within my own paragraphs, within my own blog post. Which brings me back to my point: Should I be proud of what I have accomplished this year?

I’m very ambivalent about the response. Not that I don’t care… I simply don’t have an answer. In some ways, this was a good year. A very good year, in fact. I achieved straight As in school for the first time ever (which may surprise those of you who know me personally). I participated in a fashion show as a designer for the first time ever, and though it was just a high school event, it was a great experience I learned a lot from. I started a novel, breaking my (lingering) qualms over fiction writing. I discovered a love for writing dialogue. I completed three full sketchbooks and 90% of a fourth. I submitted to a literary magazine for the first time. I submitted to my school’s art show for the first time (and trust me, that can be scary when you go to an art school). I did so many wonderful things. But yet…

Here are some of the nastier things about this year:

  1. I put on weight. Not in a healthy way though. Not at all.
  2. Did I mention the lack of exercise?
  3. Did I mention the lack of sleep?
  4. I spend too much time on the Internet nowadays.
  5. I suspect I have spent more time on YouTube this year than I ever have before.
  6. Still haven’t killed my nasty procrastination habit.
  7. I panicked in front of an audience for the first time this year…

And many others. I really want to start getting in more exercise. I want to kill my procrastination habit as well. It doesn’t make me happier. It doesn’t help me get anything done. And it’s a complete waste of my time.

My relationship with procrastination is much healthier than some other people’s, though. I know someone who once left an entire summative to the night before. He had to come up with a ten page research document and a twenty slide presentation. How he managed that, I do not know.
I suspect he plagiarized most of it.
But is that okay? I do procrastinate as well, but I do understand when to pull back and WORK. I have to. I hold myself to stringent and unrealistic expectations of perfection which I almost never attain. But I wouldn’t call that unhealthy. I’m just ambitious, I guess.

This year I learned that while I have the capacity to be a natural leader, I’m not interested. Not really. I’ll do it if I feel that no one else wants to, or that the current leader is, well, inadequate. Because I can do the job. And I do it well. But in all honesty? I prefer to do my own thing. Strange for an extravert to say, isn’t it? Don’t worry, I also like to not-so-quietly critisize others. I don’t pull any punches.

But it really sucks that there is so much misunderstanding around introvert/extravert types and what it means. I am an extravert. But I do not hate being alone. I quite enjoy it, actually. I need my alone time. But I also need social interaction. I crave it. I’m the one who initiates conversations with long lost friends. I love people. But I don’t understand why people seem to think introverts hate people. That’s not the definition of introversion, it’s more like… social anxiety (but don’t take my word for it). I know introverts who love people and social interactions. But they do need their alone time. It’s simple. Extraverts are energized by social interaction. Introverts are energized by quiet time alone (or with a few quiet people) and are generally drained by social interaction. Get with the program, people. Saying that introverts hate people is like saying that all people hate running because it makes them tired. That might be true in a few cases, but it’s not a generally true statement and should not be proclaimed as such.

And… I managed to deviate from the theme of this post again. But here are a few of my goals for 2018:

  1. Exercise more regularly. Join a sporting club or something.
  2. Reduce time spent procrastinating.
  3. Draw something every day, no matter how small or sketchy.
  4. Engage in personal writing at least twice a week.
  5. Figure out a few career options (instead of blindly having no idea what to do).
  6. Finish composing one of the gajillion songs I’ve started.
  7. Develop basic dance skills (I currently have none).
  8. Learn Excel spreadsheet stuff.
  9. Read more non fiction.
  10. Submit to four literary magazines.

And there you go! Some of my goals for this year. I know I will most likely fail at some of them, but they’re nice to have anyway. Gives me a place to start. And maybe this isn’t a goal, but more of a promise to myself: I will get to know myself better. I will engage in thoughtful self reflection. Because now is  the time, right? When you’re young and teenage?

Anyways, Happy New Year! (If you celebrate it
– Rebeeks

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Thoughts on Getting Accepted to CHS (Part 2)

About 6 months ago, I wrote a post about what I thought about being accepted to Canterbury. Now, a week after my first day at CHS, I can write down my thoughts about actually going to the school. 

  1. I have to wake up super early to go there. Living 26km from your high school is never a good idea. Unless, of course, that high school is Canterbury. It takes me about an hour and a half  to get there in the mornings by bus, even though it’s a 20 minute drive from home. The first two buses I take aren’t that crowded though, would is a godsend. And it gives me time to write these posts ( or read or do my homework).
  2. I love the vibe coming off of the school. The murals are awesome (like, who wouldn’t want paintings on the walls of their school?) and you can literally feel the creative energy emanate from, well, everyone.
  3. There are to types of people in my lit class. The people who really like English and the people who actually love writing. I don’t even know where I am in these two, so, moving on. 
  4. I’m not getting censored anymore (finally!). The last time I had a teacher who didn’t censor us was three years ago. About two years ago, for some reason I wasn’t allowed to write a story where a character commits suicide. Something about it being too dark, although it’s not like we were reading our work to six year olds (or to anyone else for that matter).
  5. Computer science is a hard course. Especially since I’m taking it with grade 10 students (which is really intimidating). Do not take a grade 10 course as an elective during first semester. Or try not to. You won’t die, but it might be in your best interest to reconsider. That damn course is so fast paced…

So yeah. Things I’ve learned. But also, there is so much to do in high school, and there’s something for everyone. (Unfortunately, I don’t have time to do it all. That sucks.)

-Rebeeks

My, Uhhhh……. Abilities (debatable)

Well, as you know, we all have strengths and weaknesses. Things we are good at and things we are not good at. This is a list of a few of mine. Guess which ones I consider strengths and which one I consider weaknesses!

  1. Being downright sassy. Especially to teachers, who for some reason seem to love sassy students.
  2. Falling. My falls are hilarious, in my (not-so-humble) opinion.
  3. Writing.
  4. Getting strange reactions out of people.
  5. Surprising people with strange actions such as yelling random phrases in the middle of class.
  6. Getting in mild trouble for such strange actions.
  7. Making a fool of myself in gym class.
  8. Sarcasm. And Irony.
  9. Crashing into people.
  10. Getting people mad at me for telling them the truth.
  11. Expressing my opinions. See above.
  12. Critisizing people. See above.
  13. Raging at people. I go over the top.
  14. Somehow managing not to be sent to an insane asylum as I tend to openly display the fact that I am somewhat mentally unstable.
  15. Getting mad at myself and somehow hitting my head in the process.
  16. Being angry in general.
  17. Zoning out for about 10 seconds at random moments and wondering what someone just said.
  18. Zoning out in general.
  19. Making my vision go blurry. I’m not the best at it, but hey, you need a heck lot of practising to get good! (During class is a good time for that)
  20. Being bored.
  21. Blaming the teacher for my boredom.
  22. Getting mad at the teacher.
  23. Appearing to be listening to a lecture while really, I’m not.

Well, people, that’s all for today!

-Rebeeks

Reasons why I hate School

— It’s stupid
–We waste way too much time
–We work our heads off and still don’t get paid. This is a problem. We should all get paid to work.
–I have to learn how to divide fractions, which is totally pointless. In fact, math class is pointless.
–I have to listen to our teachers talk
–I’m in a split class. That actually isn’t so bad, until you get stuck with the boring stuff and the grade 8s have all the fun…
— We spent money on projects that we’re going to throw out. Why do the stupid project in the first place? It’s a waste of time.
— I have to deal with all the drama. That is NOT my idea of fun.
— I waste precious time doing homework when I could be playing outside, reading, or sleeping.
— Oh yeah. I also have to wake up early.

I think you guys got the point. School is not my idea of fun.

3 Stupid Things We do in the Name of School

  1.   Invent Something

    stupidity rating:3/5- could be helpful, but I’m not about to make any money off of something I invented in 7th gradei3 program

  2. Art projects

    stupidity rating: 4/5- yeah, I’m totally about to make $50 000 a year off of artstill life.

  3. Ecosystem Models

    stupidity rating: 5/5- I don’t know about you, but I have better things to do with that 30 dollars I spent, not to mention it’s a waste of time.project

 

 

image sources: http://www.pinterest.com, http://www.toadhollowstudio.com, http://www.thelearningpartnership.ca