Poem

I thought I’d share one of my poems today.

What Talent?

Inspiration doesn’t come when you call it.
Not even remotely when you need it.
Oh, no. It runs away from you. It stutters. It stalls.
It finds good excuses – oh, sorry, good reasons
To not help you out.
I’m sure it says (or is saying),
“Oh, look, she’s tired, I won’t bother her with good ideas” or
“She has two weeks to finish that; she doesn’t need my help”
Which is really annoying.
Or, maybe you just infuriated the Greek muses.
Really, who knows?

And when your creativity finally shows up—
Oh, when it comes, it’s always at the most inconvenient time
Such as, in the bathroom or
At three in the morning
Or during that really boring science test—
I mean, ideas are great and all but you sort of need to pass that—
And creativity doesn’t always flow like water, but no,
It drips and abruptly stops or
It is a crashing tsunami that quickly washes away,
And then you’re just stuck there thinking,
“Why,
Why do I even do this art thing with my life?”

The problem is, the making of a creation
Is a long and drawn out process that involves
Sitting at your desk and yelling
“Ideas! Come to me!”
(Which may be why the Muses hate you in the first place?)
Or you know, even days when ideas appear while you’re otherwise occupied
But disappear before you grasp them,
And, it involves piles of messy drafts
And mounds of vile work
And days of adjusting details to unattainable perfection.

The worst part?
Your friends might come over and look at
Your painful hours of exertion and tell you
That you “were hit with the talent stick too many times.”
Talent stick? What talent stick?
It’s not like someone invisibly walks around and
Randomly bops people on the head with this huge stick marked “TALENT”
And doles out talent (Because why not?)
And this person is like “You’re going to be this amazing singer” or
“You’re going to be this amazing painter and—
Yeah. No.
Life doesn’t work that way. Sadly.
It takes time and work and so much effort
To do something presentable
And so, when people tell me that I’m talented,
Sometimes, just sometimes,
I look at them like, “What talent?”

The Absurdity of Media Today

The media twists things, changes them. Sometimes what comes out of it is totally unrecognizable content. “Why?” I ask. Oh, I don’t dont know, but I suspect it’s part of human nature.

We are an interesting group of people. We embellish things. We exagerate things. When that happens for too long, we tend to blow things out of proportion. That isn’t necessarily intentional. Some of us have always had trouble with the boundaries of truth. Sometimes we remember things that aren’t there, that didn’t actually happen. Why? Because human memory isn’t perfect. So why do we expect newspapers, TV, and other forms of media to be perfect? Are the people who work there somehow better than the rest of us?

Sometimes, however, things are blown out of proportion intentionally. We all love making fun of people’s mistakes. (Wait. You say you don’t? Look at me in the eye and say you’ve never laughed at someone. Harsh? Yeah. I thought so.) The issue is, when you listen to something repeatedly for long enough, two things can happen: a. you start believing whatever it is they keep saying, or b. you totally and utterly reject everything they keep saying. This is not letting people make informed choices. If you really want to make an informed choice, do me a favour snd stop watching TV coverage of events. Watch the event for yourself, then find written information from a variety of places.

Does this mean that media coverage is a bad thing? No. This is just to say that not enough people are taking it with a grain of salt. Don’t take what you see as the absolute truth, because it most likely isn’t.

-Rebeeks

Thoughts on Getting Accepted to CHS (Part 2)

About 6 months ago, I wrote a post about what I thought about being accepted to Canterbury. Now, a week after my first day at CHS, I can write down my thoughts about actually going to the school. 

  1. I have to wake up super early to go there. Living 26km from your high school is never a good idea. Unless, of course, that high school is Canterbury. It takes me about an hour and a half  to get there in the mornings by bus, even though it’s a 20 minute drive from home. The first two buses I take aren’t that crowded though, would is a godsend. And it gives me time to write these posts ( or read or do my homework).
  2. I love the vibe coming off of the school. The murals are awesome (like, who wouldn’t want paintings on the walls of their school?) and you can literally feel the creative energy emanate from, well, everyone.
  3. There are to types of people in my lit class. The people who really like English and the people who actually love writing. I don’t even know where I am in these two, so, moving on. 
  4. I’m not getting censored anymore (finally!). The last time I had a teacher who didn’t censor us was three years ago. About two years ago, for some reason I wasn’t allowed to write a story where a character commits suicide. Something about it being too dark, although it’s not like we were reading our work to six year olds (or to anyone else for that matter).
  5. Computer science is a hard course. Especially since I’m taking it with grade 10 students (which is really intimidating). Do not take a grade 10 course as an elective during first semester. Or try not to. You won’t die, but it might be in your best interest to reconsider. That damn course is so fast paced…

So yeah. Things I’ve learned. But also, there is so much to do in high school, and there’s something for everyone. (Unfortunately, I don’t have time to do it all. That sucks.)

-Rebeeks

Ugh… My life, as usual.

Let’s face it. I hate being gifted.

For all those of you who think being smart is all that great, believe me, it’s not. It’s nice during arguments, nice to rub in people’s faces, but other than that? Not really. When you’re gifted, you’re misunderstood in the worst way possible. Knowing that you’re part of the top 2% of the population is pretty harsh. But still, that’s 1 in 50 people. Pretty common, right? Well, when some people can recognize it within 5 minutes of meeting you, you know you can’t hide from the truth. I don’t actually know how far up there I am. But the thing is, someone recently asked me what my IQ was. I told her I didn’t know. And honestly? I think I’m better off that way.

For years, people have recognized me for what I am. I’m different. I’ve met a few others who are gifted, but not all of them give off the aura that I do. I try to act like I don’t care, but honestly, I do. People have been poking around at me since I was six. What am I gonna do, not notice? I was once offered a spot in the local Gifted program. At the time, I really wanted to do it. I was in third grade, and I went to a school I absolutely hated. I visited the class, and I felt that I belonged. My parents refused though. They told me it was for the best at the time. I didn’t really believe them. Now I do.

Fast forward 5 years later. I go to school with a regular class. I feel normal. (By the way, when you’re me, that’s a good thing.) My class still bugs me about being smart, but hey, that’s normal. It’s better than being treated like a walking dictionary. Trust me on that one. And I work hard, harder than most. I feel like I’m drowning in work sometimes. And I struggle with work too sometimes. Although sometimes the struggling has more to do with me getting bored and not wanting to do the work. But my school also has a gifted program. I’m not in the class. Once you refuse a chance, you don’t get another one until high school. And I already refused that one. I had my reasons.

The people in the gifted program at my school… well, everyone just call them Gifties. When I first found out about it, I was really offended. We’re just as normal as everyone else. We’re not a different species or anything. But after I actually met the Gifties, I understood why…

I have a feeling the Gifties aren’t offended by us calling them that. I suspect they rather like it. They treat us pretty poorly too, and call us “normals”. They only talk to each other, and if they do talk to you, it’s usually not good. And they feel like they’re above answering our questions. That’s what my parents wanted me to avoid. They didn’t want me to turn out like them, to feel superior to everyone else. I talked to someone, and she says she feels like she gave up on being gifted in order to have a social life. I understand that perfectly. Being all high and mighty like that… I don’t think I could stand it. Yeah, I know. You going to tell me I’m still one of them. But no, I’m not. Not like that.

Today, though, I got a glimpse of what I was missing out on. I was in their classroom for one period. We were having history class temporarily in there, but whatever. It made me go crazy.
I learned something new today. When I’m in a room with a bunch of high school/college/university level science fair projects that are done by GRADE SEVEN students, I tend to drop everything and read them. Or attempt anyways. Some random grade seven did his/her project on gene mutation inside a university science lab, which is hardly where you’d expect a twelve to thirteen year old kid to hang out. I didn’t understand half of it. Something about yeast, alpha factor, and nicoclyametide or something like that. Anyways, it sparked my curiosity. Not to mention, they learn grade 10 level math. Maybe even higher. A bunch of people started asking what the hell it was, but the teacher asked us if we hadn’t learned it yet.
I hope he was joking.

Anyways, a guy in my class told me that I belonged in there. And I told him I didn’t. But, you know, I’m starting to think maybe I do… Math class today was boring. I’m about 2 chapters ahead of my class–and that’s after 2 periods of absence, one where I did nothing, and one where I did nearly nothing. Great. And I hate math. But I’m starting to wonder if it’s just because the work has never been challenging enough before. In all my years of school, I’ve never been truly challenged in class. What keeps me alive is the little things. Our teacher makes us do these comprehension tests in French. She gives us two periods to do them. However, I usually try to set a record for them. We get 100 minutes. I usually finish in 25. I research things in my spare time. I read books. A lot. I’ve been known to finish 5 novels in a few hours.

So now I’m wondering. My friend told me to just switch. But you can’t just switch to gifted. It doesn’t work that way. But I wonder, if I had taken that path, where would I be right now? Being gifted is harsh. Unfortunately, if you’re not one of us, a gifted person who sometimes wishes to be normal, who gave up some of it for a social life, you’ll never understand. But I’d never give it up. That’s the weird part. It’s who I am.

Ugh. I guess being gifted is both a blessing and a curse. Just most non gifted people either ignore, downplay, or don’t know about the curse part.