On Nanowrimo, Typos and Other Things

God help me.

Nanowrimo is very, very, time-consuming. In fact, I should probably be working on my story right now. But I am just so annoyed at it, and I guess I just don’t know where it’s going.

So you know what? I gave up. After four thousand, five hundred,  and thirteen words.
Huh. Good job to me. Actually, never mind that. I suck.

I have discovered that I am utterly incapable of motivating myself to do anything. Which is why I’m typing this blog post instead of stydying for the dumb science test that I have tomorrow. I really am an idiot. Thank God I don’t go to an IB program school. I would just about die. (And people say I’m smart. What are they thinking?)

So yeah. I’m in a writing program and I’m not even capable of writing 670 words everyday to meet a good of 20 000 words. That just doesn’t say much about me as a writer.

Things I Have Written Instead Of The Novel I Was Going To Write:

  1. Bad poetry.
  2. A dumb essay on character development, adversity, and tigers. Don’t ask. (And yes, it was an assignment.)
  3. Emails and text messages that showcase how boring my life is.
  4. An essay about perception.
  5. More bad poems.
  6. This blog post.

    Do any of those include the words “novel”, “dumb novel”, or “stupid novel”?
    No? I thought so.

    On a completely different note, my work has been published on my school’s literary magazine and there are currently two typos in it. I actually can’t stand to look at it. It been bugging me for days. Days!
    And have you ever had the issue where omitting one word completely changes the meaning of a sentence? Yeah? Well, they did that. Do you have any idea how annoying it is? I actually had to restrain myself from yelling at the editors. 
    And of course, their website had other problems as well. It always does! Yay. I am not (let me repeat this, NOT) excited to have to be one of the editors next year, which, like so many other things, is a mandatory experience. Yay! (NOT)

    So now that I’ve ranted about NaNoWriMo and those dumb typos in my work, what’s left?
    Ah, that DUMB SCIENCE TEST that I’m supposed to be studying for.

    I hate biology. And obviously, it’s a biology test. Some people are perfectly content with doing it now to get it over with. I, on the other hand, am not. I would rather never do it.
    Unfortunately, I am not so lucky as to have that option. Screw the science curriculum that makes biology mandatory until grade 10.
    Did I mention that I have when things are mandatory for no reason?
    I need to memorize a whole bunch of terms that will probably not be any use to me in the future all so I can pass this dumb course that I really like except for this unit. I hate this unit. I will never take biology again one I have the choice.

    Screw this test.

    -Rebeeks

    My Relationship with Computers

    I have an interesting relationship with computers. I love them, I hate them, and sometimes they annoy me to death. I had one computer that had some many issues that once one of the issues got fixed, something else would stop working.
    That was hell.
    My current computer is quite annoying as well because it isn’t as slow as some of the older computers but is advertised to run faster than it actually does. This is also where I learned that having more cores on your computer does not necessarily mean that your computer runs faster. Remember that. The salespeople are not necessarily well-equipped to properly help you. Or maybe they’re simply biased. I suspect its a combination of both.

    Earlier this semester, I had one available slot left in my timetable and I opted to take computer science, which is A. an elective, B. an elective offered to people in the grade above me, and C. headache inducing. Do you think I’m crazy? Sometimes I myself think I’m crazy for taking the course. When people hear that I’m taking that course, a common question is, why?

    If I’m going to be completely honest with myself (and you), I first have to admit that it was a split-second decision. I had planned on (maybe) taking this course, but as a grade 10 student. This summer, when I went to summer school, I took math. It was a very intensive course and I did not want to take anything related to math this year. And what did I end up in? Computer Science (or, as they call it, Introduction to Computer Studies), which is basically another version of math. Great. It was either that or take Grade 10 math, which I would do under no circumstances.

    I actually like the course though. It’s a really different approach to teaching. We learn (very, very basic) programming and it’s not the “Follow the instructions and you’ll do well” kind of class. No. It is literally “Here is the problem. Solve it.” I both love and hate this approach. It is totally appropriate for a class where you learn coding. Basically what software does is solve problems for you. But someone wrote that software. In order to have the program solve problems for you, you need to understand the problem yourself. You need to be able to break down the problem into its parts before you build the code. Then, you need to understand the logic and how to do things sequentially.

    The funny thing is, the more you write code, the more you start thinking like a coder. It literally changes the way you do things. I find myself wanting to simply write the word “else” instead of otherwise or something do that effect, because that is how conditional statements are communicated to the computer. Huh. If I wrote an essay like that, my teacher might ask quite a few questions. Namely, “are you sane?”

    I honestly don’t think I am.

    -Rebeeks

    Reflection on School

    This has pretty much become my default place to rant about school. That is awesome (no, it isn’t). Ranting is just something I do, I guess. It’s my default mode. None of the posts on this blog are edited. Here, I kind of just write. I mean, all the practice you can get is good, right?

    I don’t know why I even bother to call myself a writer. I’m a terrible writer. Every time I sit down to write something I spend more time thinking about writing than actually writing. I know my first drafts suck. A lot of them do. Quite a few of turn out nice. Mine?
    I don’t know. I don’t really know what to compare it to. Do I find out tomorrow?

    Here I am, talking about being in Lit again. This seems to be my favourite thing to write about. Maybe it’s because it’s different. Because I don’t know what else to expect. I don’t know what people think of Lit kids. I feel like no one really knows what to make of us. Hell, I don’t know what to expect. It’s not exactly like an English class. That’s what I love about it. But that’s also what throws me off. You don’t take English with the same 25 people for 4 years. Life doesn’t work like that. A lot of English classes don’t involve much creative writing. Don’t get me wrong, I love creative writing. It holds a special place in my heart. But sometimes, you just can’t deal with the uncertainty that comes with creating something — weaving a story from bits and pieces and snapshots of life mixed with a generous dose of your imagination. You don’t know where to go. There is no set format, there are no rules. There is no black or white, only shades in between.
    But when you put it this way, it sounds like it’s difficult to tell the good writing from the bad writing. And sometimes, it is.

    Sometimes you don’t know why a story seems off, but you just know that it is. It drives me nuts. Crazy. Half the time I just abandon the story and do something else. Then I look at it a few years later, think about how crappy it is, and don’t do anything about it. Honestly, essays are a lot easier to write. And I enjoy writing essays, most of the time. But the issue with essays is that the structure tends to be a little (more like a lot) rigid. You can’t take an essay in an interesting direction, most of the time. There is a subject. Stick to it! Whereas stories have plots and subplots and plots twists and you have to keep track of them and keep them logical and believable or else the reader gets mad. Essays? Intro ,point one, point two, point three, conclusion. That is how a lot of essays are formatted. It’s very formal. It’s a formula you can follow and get results every time–as long as you follow the formula properly.

    The lazy part of me loves this. So does the debater in me. But there is another part of me that actually hates this. It’s the part of me that demands change and individuality and original thinking. Listening to 5 of 6 essays is boring–most of them tend to sound the same. Listening to 5 or 6 stories is never boring. Sometimes it gets annoying, but that may be because the story is bad or because you don’t like it. But usually people people stick around even if it’s just to complain and rant about how bad it is later.

    So  here I am, still thinking about the damn story that I want to write. i have ideas, but I don’t feel like putting then onto paper. I wonder if I should write one page of it everyday and see what kind of useless crap I can come up with.
    Did I mention that I have a total lack of imagination?
    Having a total lack of imagination is totally detrimental to me. I’m sure some people will say otherwise about my ability to put things together. I don’t think they’re right.

    The issue is that I’ve never spent so much time working on a single piece, other than my portfolio for the program. (BTW, my portfolio totally sucked.) It’s different. I don’t know if it’s good different or bad different.

    Pros

    • I get to spend more time making the writing perfect
    • I have to more time to ask for opinions
    • It means that if halfway through, I decide to completely change directions with my story, I have time to figure it out
    • More time for editing
    • I can bounce ideas off of people
    • I have time for tweaks

      Cons

      • I spend too much time worrying about perfection
      • Sometimes I get confused by certain opinions
      • uhhhhh

      Okay. I guess the pros outweigh the cons. Now what?
      I guess I should just stop complaining.

      -Rebeeks

      Thoughts on Getting Accepted to CHS (Part 2)

      About 6 months ago, I wrote a post about what I thought about being accepted to Canterbury. Now, a week after my first day at CHS, I can write down my thoughts about actually going to the school. 

      1. I have to wake up super early to go there. Living 26km from your high school is never a good idea. Unless, of course, that high school is Canterbury. It takes me about an hour and a half  to get there in the mornings by bus, even though it’s a 20 minute drive from home. The first two buses I take aren’t that crowded though, would is a godsend. And it gives me time to write these posts ( or read or do my homework).
      2. I love the vibe coming off of the school. The murals are awesome (like, who wouldn’t want paintings on the walls of their school?) and you can literally feel the creative energy emanate from, well, everyone.
      3. There are to types of people in my lit class. The people who really like English and the people who actually love writing. I don’t even know where I am in these two, so, moving on. 
      4. I’m not getting censored anymore (finally!). The last time I had a teacher who didn’t censor us was three years ago. About two years ago, for some reason I wasn’t allowed to write a story where a character commits suicide. Something about it being too dark, although it’s not like we were reading our work to six year olds (or to anyone else for that matter).
      5. Computer science is a hard course. Especially since I’m taking it with grade 10 students (which is really intimidating). Do not take a grade 10 course as an elective during first semester. Or try not to. You won’t die, but it might be in your best interest to reconsider. That damn course is so fast paced…

      So yeah. Things I’ve learned. But also, there is so much to do in high school, and there’s something for everyone. (Unfortunately, I don’t have time to do it all. That sucks.)

      -Rebeeks

      Who Would Voluntarily Take the Beep Test?

      I would. Unfortunately.

      We all hate the beep test. It’s a bad indication of your overall fitness. It’s pointless. It’s dumb. It’s stupid. But yet, we all want to do better at the beep test. Do better than others. Be the best. I think it’s a ego thing. Or a hatred of failure, which would most likely be completely accurate. But I am not immune to this.(And I want to stop failing it at school, which would definitely up my Phys. Ed. mark.) So what did I do? I set up a 15m version of the beep test in my basement. Crazy, I know.

      I’ve kind of surprised myself. I’m surprised that I actually went to the trouble of measuring. I’m surprised that I actually intend to use it. And I’m embarrassed that my younger brother did better than me on my first trial run. (He got level 12.4. I got level 6.5.) So yeah. Practice. Definitely. Before I fait it at school.
      Why do I have to be the most unathletic kid on the planet? This isn’t fair. I guess life isn’t fair. But I already knew that.

      In addition to being terrible at the beep test, I’m also bad at shuttle runs, the pyramid challenge, the 9/12 minute run, really anything that involves running for a long time, and yeah. tt lot of other stuff. And Ilm terrible at every sport. Like really bad. Except for Maybe soccer. And sprints. I think I might actually be mildly okay (read: not the worst) at those.

      So yeah. I guess I’m practising the beep test every day now. Oh, what did I just get myself into?
      -Rebeeks

      Thoughts on Getting Accepted to CHS

      I’m going to be a CHS lit art student next year. I feel really good about that. I really wanted to go there. But really, it means a lot more to me that just the arts program.

      In so many ways, going to CHS , in my life, is very symbolic. It symbolizes going full circle, in a number of ways. I started school in that neighbourhood. I’m going to finish in that neighbourhood. That’s insanely cool, considering the fact that I live 20km away now. I’ve always belonged there. Going to JMSS wouldn’t be the same. It’s true, I’ve met at lot of people this year. And JM is my home high school, and all my new friends are going there. Some of them are actually sad about the fact that I won’t be going to high school with them. And I’ll miss them terribly. But honestly? I’ve only known them for a few months. And I don’t belong with them. It’s true. The energy is just, so different in this part of town. I don’t like this energy. It stirs up something in me that would rather stay asleep. So, I belong at CHS. I’ve known it since the day I first set my eyes on it. A bit cliché, but true. Plus, as to all my other friends, we’ll still keep in touch, right?
      You know who your true friends are when, even 2 years after there’s no chance of you seeing each other again, you’re still in touch daily. Even more so when your friends accept to send you handwritten letters. (For the record, we gave up on handwritten letters after I got email, but it still touches me how nice my friends are.)

      Another one of my friends, one I haven’t seen in a while, is going to CHS as well. I’m kind of (okay, scratch that, I’m really excited) to see her again and go to high school with her. Again, going full circle. We both have other close friends now, though, so it’s going to be awkward, but hey, I’m convinced we can make it work. So many people come together there, and I’m happy to be a part of that. New friends, old friends, and hopefully I’ll meet some new people. High school is going to be AMAZING if I can make it work. And I’m convinced I can.

      I’m also really happy I get to take Lit at CHS. I’ve wanted to take it since grade six, so in a number of ways, it’s a dream come true. I’ve always loved writing. That’s part of the reason why I started this blog. So yeah, I better start taking this blog more seriously.

      Ugh… My life, as usual.

      Let’s face it. I hate being gifted.

      For all those of you who think being smart is all that great, believe me, it’s not. It’s nice during arguments, nice to rub in people’s faces, but other than that? Not really. When you’re gifted, you’re misunderstood in the worst way possible. Knowing that you’re part of the top 2% of the population is pretty harsh. But still, that’s 1 in 50 people. Pretty common, right? Well, when some people can recognize it within 5 minutes of meeting you, you know you can’t hide from the truth. I don’t actually know how far up there I am. But the thing is, someone recently asked me what my IQ was. I told her I didn’t know. And honestly? I think I’m better off that way.

      For years, people have recognized me for what I am. I’m different. I’ve met a few others who are gifted, but not all of them give off the aura that I do. I try to act like I don’t care, but honestly, I do. People have been poking around at me since I was six. What am I gonna do, not notice? I was once offered a spot in the local Gifted program. At the time, I really wanted to do it. I was in third grade, and I went to a school I absolutely hated. I visited the class, and I felt that I belonged. My parents refused though. They told me it was for the best at the time. I didn’t really believe them. Now I do.

      Fast forward 5 years later. I go to school with a regular class. I feel normal. (By the way, when you’re me, that’s a good thing.) My class still bugs me about being smart, but hey, that’s normal. It’s better than being treated like a walking dictionary. Trust me on that one. And I work hard, harder than most. I feel like I’m drowning in work sometimes. And I struggle with work too sometimes. Although sometimes the struggling has more to do with me getting bored and not wanting to do the work. But my school also has a gifted program. I’m not in the class. Once you refuse a chance, you don’t get another one until high school. And I already refused that one. I had my reasons.

      The people in the gifted program at my school… well, everyone just call them Gifties. When I first found out about it, I was really offended. We’re just as normal as everyone else. We’re not a different species or anything. But after I actually met the Gifties, I understood why…

      I have a feeling the Gifties aren’t offended by us calling them that. I suspect they rather like it. They treat us pretty poorly too, and call us “normals”. They only talk to each other, and if they do talk to you, it’s usually not good. And they feel like they’re above answering our questions. That’s what my parents wanted me to avoid. They didn’t want me to turn out like them, to feel superior to everyone else. I talked to someone, and she says she feels like she gave up on being gifted in order to have a social life. I understand that perfectly. Being all high and mighty like that… I don’t think I could stand it. Yeah, I know. You going to tell me I’m still one of them. But no, I’m not. Not like that.

      Today, though, I got a glimpse of what I was missing out on. I was in their classroom for one period. We were having history class temporarily in there, but whatever. It made me go crazy.
      I learned something new today. When I’m in a room with a bunch of high school/college/university level science fair projects that are done by GRADE SEVEN students, I tend to drop everything and read them. Or attempt anyways. Some random grade seven did his/her project on gene mutation inside a university science lab, which is hardly where you’d expect a twelve to thirteen year old kid to hang out. I didn’t understand half of it. Something about yeast, alpha factor, and nicoclyametide or something like that. Anyways, it sparked my curiosity. Not to mention, they learn grade 10 level math. Maybe even higher. A bunch of people started asking what the hell it was, but the teacher asked us if we hadn’t learned it yet.
      I hope he was joking.

      Anyways, a guy in my class told me that I belonged in there. And I told him I didn’t. But, you know, I’m starting to think maybe I do… Math class today was boring. I’m about 2 chapters ahead of my class–and that’s after 2 periods of absence, one where I did nothing, and one where I did nearly nothing. Great. And I hate math. But I’m starting to wonder if it’s just because the work has never been challenging enough before. In all my years of school, I’ve never been truly challenged in class. What keeps me alive is the little things. Our teacher makes us do these comprehension tests in French. She gives us two periods to do them. However, I usually try to set a record for them. We get 100 minutes. I usually finish in 25. I research things in my spare time. I read books. A lot. I’ve been known to finish 5 novels in a few hours.

      So now I’m wondering. My friend told me to just switch. But you can’t just switch to gifted. It doesn’t work that way. But I wonder, if I had taken that path, where would I be right now? Being gifted is harsh. Unfortunately, if you’re not one of us, a gifted person who sometimes wishes to be normal, who gave up some of it for a social life, you’ll never understand. But I’d never give it up. That’s the weird part. It’s who I am.

      Ugh. I guess being gifted is both a blessing and a curse. Just most non gifted people either ignore, downplay, or don’t know about the curse part.